The flight to Maui went great. Morgan was super! When we woke her up at 5AM she was excited to be sitting in the limo and at the airport she wheeled her Tinkerbelle suitcase and walked beside Mark and I. Being 6AM the lines at the baggage check in and the security check in were short. No headache for me was a first. The first flight from SFO to LA Morgan was awake and had a great time. When we got to LA our flight for Maui left at 10AM. Morgan got on the plane and was asleep by 10:15AM and she slept 3 hours. The really exciting part was the, Half Way to Hawaii contest that was held on the flight. Since Morgan was asleep Mark and I had time do the contest. With Morgan sitting between us we worked on it separately. I saw Mark pulling out his palm phone and using the calculator. I sat quietly and thought, “The answer to all things is within me.” I did some very simple math in my head and told Mark to write down the ½ way time to Hawaii would be at 9:48 and 5 seconds. He said, "Your 8 minutes off from what I figured out." We passed the forms in. As the flight was getting ready to land the stewardess came to our seat and said to Mark you won! Mark said, "Which seat was it?" the stewardess said G. Cooper! The prize was Mauna Loa macadamia nuts and it wasn’t the nuts I was excited about. Here I was, all worried about the flight, the luggage, how long the lap top battery would last in the lap top, the worry list went on. I was so proud. I listened to my intuition and just wrote what I heard in my head. Thank you Spirit! Mark kept asking me. “How did you figure it out?” I kept saying, “Spirit did it through me.”
August 24, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I am so lucky
As I sat down on my new “Balanceball” chair, which is a small bounce ball seated in a plastic chair. I had to look up life with gaelen to check on last week’s entry date. Weird. Anyway the balanceball chair helps relieve stress on the spine. Basically you sit upright with your spine straight. No slouching allowed. Of course Morgan hopped on it and wanted to play with it when we got it set up in the office. Luckily I have a big green bounce ball from when I was pregnant with Morgan. So although it is a little too big for Morgan, she set it up at her little desk in the office. She can’t get herself up on the top of it but it seems to make her happy to have a chair like mom. Earlier today Morgan came with me to CompUSA and she brought a small toy with her. As we left CompUSA both of us had forgotten about her pink hippo. An hour later I remembered about the hippo and decided not to say anything about it. I thought it was my fault it was gone because I didn’t remember to ask Morgan about pink hippo when we were leaving the store. As the Universe works the minute I thought about pink hippo, Morgan remembered that we left it at the store. So as we drove back to the store for pink hippo I began to sweat. I was repeating in my mind “pink hippo be there”… “pink hippo be there” and pink hippo was there. So I told Morgan how lucky we were that pink hippo was still there. As we drove away I started thinking about war in the Middle East. How I would feel if something that was dear to me was gone. I continue to pray, “Create a world of radiant life, overflowing abundance, and lasting peace.” and remember all things are possible. I am so lucky. Thank you God.
August 16, 2006
August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Been back a week...
I am sitting here not believing that we have been back almost a week from Oregon and I am now getting ready to do Life With Gaelen. Time moves so quickly and sometimes time moves so slowly. I guess when I feel I have a problem or a challenge I feel time moving slowly. It must be the mind that makes time move. How can you make your mind work the best for you? Taking care of you I guess is the first place to start. Stepping away form negative energy no matter how difficult that seems to be is also a good beginning. I find when declaring what is good for me is not always felt by others as a good thing. Take the time to be quiet, meditate, and listen to your heart. Feel good about speaking the truth of your soul and give up judging what others think of you. At least that is what I am working on. It is not always easy but learning to be patient with Spirit and waiting for great out comes is always worth the wait.
I am amazed that we leave for our month in Maui in just 14 days. Already I am thinking about what to pack. Mark likes to use a duffle bag, something I do not like to do. I like to neatly fold my clothes, and roll them up and remember where each thing is so I do not have to pull everything apart. I think I am a neat nick.
I hear the Wiggles DVD repeating itself and Morgan’s footsteps pitter padding down the hall to tell me all about the Wiggles. Mark is busy attaching the counter top to the new cabinet. Our new fridge is coming tomorrow and we want it to fit in the spot. It is time for me to go and hear about The Wiggles. The Wiggles being my least favorite, next to Barney that there is.
August 8, 2006
I am amazed that we leave for our month in Maui in just 14 days. Already I am thinking about what to pack. Mark likes to use a duffle bag, something I do not like to do. I like to neatly fold my clothes, and roll them up and remember where each thing is so I do not have to pull everything apart. I think I am a neat nick.
I hear the Wiggles DVD repeating itself and Morgan’s footsteps pitter padding down the hall to tell me all about the Wiggles. Mark is busy attaching the counter top to the new cabinet. Our new fridge is coming tomorrow and we want it to fit in the spot. It is time for me to go and hear about The Wiggles. The Wiggles being my least favorite, next to Barney that there is.
August 8, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Oregon is pretty stunning
I am having a day off. What do I like to do?...my blog of course. I am sitting in our trailer in Oregon. We are at the East Lake Resort, which is a very beautiful place. I am wearing my new East Lake Resort pull over and it is my favorite blue color. The blue that matches my eyes. (Of course I can’t go on a trip and not purchase something)
Oregon is actually stunning. We are staying in the volcanic area, Newberry Caldera where you can see lava everywhere. We went to the Obsidian lava flow river, which is amazing. I am getting a good work out as everywhere we go it’s at least one mile of walking. Mark brought us to the Central Pumice cone which is an under groung cave. I lasted 5 minutes before I yelled out "Lets get out of here!" much too dark and creepy for me. So far my favorite place is the Crater Lake National Park. The Crater Lake has incredibly blue water and in fact it is the deepest blue lake in the United States. Crater Lake also has the best food we have eaten in Oregon, as everywhere we have stopped at has been sort of gross.
Mark has Claire and Morgan today, hence my day off. My friend Randy suggested I ask for a day off during this 10 day trailer event and that has turned out to be a very good thing. Yes, I love my family but being in a 22ft. trailer can be annoying. Actually the first 3 days I almost finished one of the small bottles of Tylenol. It took Claire 3 days just to mellow out and get used to being with Mark, Morgan and I. It took me 3 days to not make a comment about the negative things Claire was doing. We have had 2 days with no time outs for Claire, which is a great thing. We did separate the 2 car seats so that no one is poking any one else. Mark bought the 2-screen DVD player so the girls each have a screen to watch. This makes the 12-hour trip manageable. Well we do two days of driving 6 hours. I think the DVD players in the car make life driving so much easier. Maybe the reason I have no memories of being in the car with my mom and dad is because DVD car players weren’t invented. I think my only memory of going on a long car trip was to Disneyland or my grandmothers in Arcadia.
Well getting back to Oregon it started off warm, you know shorts and stuff but the last 2 days its been really chilly, which is sort of sad because I love rivers and it is just a little too cold to go swimming in the East Lake river. Tomorrow we are heading back home and our next stop is Shasta Lake. I hope I get some river swimming time when we get there. I think I will head off to the showers while Mark and the girls are gone.
August 1, 2006
Oregon is actually stunning. We are staying in the volcanic area, Newberry Caldera where you can see lava everywhere. We went to the Obsidian lava flow river, which is amazing. I am getting a good work out as everywhere we go it’s at least one mile of walking. Mark brought us to the Central Pumice cone which is an under groung cave. I lasted 5 minutes before I yelled out "Lets get out of here!" much too dark and creepy for me. So far my favorite place is the Crater Lake National Park. The Crater Lake has incredibly blue water and in fact it is the deepest blue lake in the United States. Crater Lake also has the best food we have eaten in Oregon, as everywhere we have stopped at has been sort of gross.
Mark has Claire and Morgan today, hence my day off. My friend Randy suggested I ask for a day off during this 10 day trailer event and that has turned out to be a very good thing. Yes, I love my family but being in a 22ft. trailer can be annoying. Actually the first 3 days I almost finished one of the small bottles of Tylenol. It took Claire 3 days just to mellow out and get used to being with Mark, Morgan and I. It took me 3 days to not make a comment about the negative things Claire was doing. We have had 2 days with no time outs for Claire, which is a great thing. We did separate the 2 car seats so that no one is poking any one else. Mark bought the 2-screen DVD player so the girls each have a screen to watch. This makes the 12-hour trip manageable. Well we do two days of driving 6 hours. I think the DVD players in the car make life driving so much easier. Maybe the reason I have no memories of being in the car with my mom and dad is because DVD car players weren’t invented. I think my only memory of going on a long car trip was to Disneyland or my grandmothers in Arcadia.
Well getting back to Oregon it started off warm, you know shorts and stuff but the last 2 days its been really chilly, which is sort of sad because I love rivers and it is just a little too cold to go swimming in the East Lake river. Tomorrow we are heading back home and our next stop is Shasta Lake. I hope I get some river swimming time when we get there. I think I will head off to the showers while Mark and the girls are gone.
August 1, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
95 Degrees
Well it is 95 degrees in the house at 6:31pm. Morgan is running around in the sprinklers and I don’t really feel like typing this blog. It is just to hot. We went to the beach today but the beach in San Francisco is different from the beach in Manhattan Beach. It is windy here at the beach. I guess I am the only one who cares about that. Mark fell asleep and Morgan was picking up driftwood sticks and calling them pickles. I ended up putting a hat on. The best thing about the beach was the 70 degree temp.
In trying to stay in gratitude, I remember just 5 miles to the north its 10 degrees hotter. I think for Morgan’s nighttime movie we will go down stairs and watch the video on this laptop. The heat makes me crabby. I have to think about what I am about to say so it doesn’t sound snappy or snippy. In remembering that there is an abundance of everything each of us needs health, wealth, love, creativity. I think I will use my creativity and join Morgan and run thru the sprinklers.
July 22nd
In trying to stay in gratitude, I remember just 5 miles to the north its 10 degrees hotter. I think for Morgan’s nighttime movie we will go down stairs and watch the video on this laptop. The heat makes me crabby. I have to think about what I am about to say so it doesn’t sound snappy or snippy. In remembering that there is an abundance of everything each of us needs health, wealth, love, creativity. I think I will use my creativity and join Morgan and run thru the sprinklers.
July 22nd
Friday, July 14, 2006
Life is Good
Life is good. Regardless of the actual situation going on "Life is good" is always true. Remembering it is key though.
Mark and I have been working on the family calendar and he put his in his palm pilot phone so he can look and see if we have plans on specific days. Hopefully this will help our communication. Communication is an essential part of being married. Well at least being happily married for me.
As Mark and I are working on our communication it helps us when we give Morgan directions. The idea of working as a team is what keeps popping up for me. Practicing team work helps to relieve my stress level. I don't feel like all the responsibility of the situation is mine alone.
Mark has been great about making breakfast in the morning when Morgan has her summer camp. I can then focus on getting her dressed and making her lunch. Morgan is one of those people who is slow to wake up in the morning. I start singing a song when I am waking her up. "Good morning toys, good morning toys good morning to you!" Then Morgan will call out a specific thing to say good morning to. Today she wanted me to say good morning to her butt. So of course I did sing good morning butt. Morgan was cracking up, when Morgan laughs I laugh. Laughing the first thing in the morning is wonderful.
When I was looking at the comedy selection on Netflix the other day I realized I had seen many of them. About 100 or so. Stripes with Bill Murray is still one of my favorites. Well on a very recent level I really liked 40 Year Old Virgin and laughed thru most of it.
The beautiful thing about my imagination is I think it is Spirit's job to laugh. Why else does my soul like to laugh so much?
July 14th 2006
Mark and I have been working on the family calendar and he put his in his palm pilot phone so he can look and see if we have plans on specific days. Hopefully this will help our communication. Communication is an essential part of being married. Well at least being happily married for me.
As Mark and I are working on our communication it helps us when we give Morgan directions. The idea of working as a team is what keeps popping up for me. Practicing team work helps to relieve my stress level. I don't feel like all the responsibility of the situation is mine alone.
Mark has been great about making breakfast in the morning when Morgan has her summer camp. I can then focus on getting her dressed and making her lunch. Morgan is one of those people who is slow to wake up in the morning. I start singing a song when I am waking her up. "Good morning toys, good morning toys good morning to you!" Then Morgan will call out a specific thing to say good morning to. Today she wanted me to say good morning to her butt. So of course I did sing good morning butt. Morgan was cracking up, when Morgan laughs I laugh. Laughing the first thing in the morning is wonderful.
When I was looking at the comedy selection on Netflix the other day I realized I had seen many of them. About 100 or so. Stripes with Bill Murray is still one of my favorites. Well on a very recent level I really liked 40 Year Old Virgin and laughed thru most of it.
The beautiful thing about my imagination is I think it is Spirit's job to laugh. Why else does my soul like to laugh so much?
July 14th 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Music
Well this morning I put the itunes on while typing on the computer. How delightful. I love this kind of music that doesn't have commercials.
I question myself. Will todays writing take me to endless possibilities? Even right now I am not sure of what I am going write. I guess the important thing is saying "yes" to the Spirit. Opening myself up to listening.
Today is a special day for me. Mark took Morgan to Angel Island. I have till 5:20pm to do anything I want. What is it that I want to do? Take a nap, shop, surf the web, do some laundry, talk with friends, do my blog, go to a movie, write, sit quietly and meditate, pray, go to the library, the list is endless. I decide to sit here and wait for an idea.
Live music gives me the feeling of community. Last night we went to down town Tiburon and on Friday nights they have food and live music in the streets. The beauty of watching people dance, especially children is heart warming. Morgan stood up to dance, or jump around. The music was drawing her. Pulling her. I think she was even in love with it. The real beauty of the experience for me was watching Mark dance with Morgan. The emotion of pure love. The joy in their faces. The light in their eyes. It gave me a profound feeling of gratefulness just to be alive. Standing there listening to the music, seeing all the people having fun, smiling.
The love of music comes from a deep part of my soul. Music makes me feel free. There was a time long ago that I did not have a stereo in my car. At that time it helped me to think in a quiet space. I still remember the day when I got the stereo installed in my car. The feeling of joy I felt when I turned the radio on. The feeling that I was close to God. I guess for me the feeling of being close to God is why my soul loves music.
July 8th 2006
I question myself. Will todays writing take me to endless possibilities? Even right now I am not sure of what I am going write. I guess the important thing is saying "yes" to the Spirit. Opening myself up to listening.
Today is a special day for me. Mark took Morgan to Angel Island. I have till 5:20pm to do anything I want. What is it that I want to do? Take a nap, shop, surf the web, do some laundry, talk with friends, do my blog, go to a movie, write, sit quietly and meditate, pray, go to the library, the list is endless. I decide to sit here and wait for an idea.
Live music gives me the feeling of community. Last night we went to down town Tiburon and on Friday nights they have food and live music in the streets. The beauty of watching people dance, especially children is heart warming. Morgan stood up to dance, or jump around. The music was drawing her. Pulling her. I think she was even in love with it. The real beauty of the experience for me was watching Mark dance with Morgan. The emotion of pure love. The joy in their faces. The light in their eyes. It gave me a profound feeling of gratefulness just to be alive. Standing there listening to the music, seeing all the people having fun, smiling.
The love of music comes from a deep part of my soul. Music makes me feel free. There was a time long ago that I did not have a stereo in my car. At that time it helped me to think in a quiet space. I still remember the day when I got the stereo installed in my car. The feeling of joy I felt when I turned the radio on. The feeling that I was close to God. I guess for me the feeling of being close to God is why my soul loves music.
July 8th 2006
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Russian River
There is this thing I do. I start writing this blog and I get so into it that I forget to save it. I wrote a great one last week about how we were going to the Russian River and how excited I was. I was sitting on my bed and I just kept typing and the computer was getting hot and all of a sudden it stopped. It just would not register any sort of movement. I ended turning off the computer and starting it again. Having not saved anything my blog was gone. A very sorry me just went to bed.
The one good thing about that was Mark did come into the room and read the bolg before I shut the computer down. So at least it did have a reader before going away, into the place where lost computer stuff goes.
Well back from the Russian River I am rested. I was able to swim naked in the river (something I love to do) and come out feeling refreshed and healed. Remembering being 97% water, its important to swim in it, and feel it on your body.
Mark, Morgan and Claire were laughing at me since they had bathing suits with them and did not have to get naked. Getting naked a a good thing. A very good thing. There were no people around so the family did not feel weird or scared about my nakedness. Anyway the next day at the river there were lots of people around so I didn't take my swimsuit off until I was in the water and no one could see, thus not scaring the family.
I am worried about the computer, there was something in the manual about the new MacBpook getting too hot and that you should bring it back and get a new one.
I sure do hope everything can just be transfered out of this one and into a new one.I keep feeling the bottom and it is hot.
Wah-wah-wah. At least I remembered to press save 4 times while typing this blog.
July 1st
The one good thing about that was Mark did come into the room and read the bolg before I shut the computer down. So at least it did have a reader before going away, into the place where lost computer stuff goes.
Well back from the Russian River I am rested. I was able to swim naked in the river (something I love to do) and come out feeling refreshed and healed. Remembering being 97% water, its important to swim in it, and feel it on your body.
Mark, Morgan and Claire were laughing at me since they had bathing suits with them and did not have to get naked. Getting naked a a good thing. A very good thing. There were no people around so the family did not feel weird or scared about my nakedness. Anyway the next day at the river there were lots of people around so I didn't take my swimsuit off until I was in the water and no one could see, thus not scaring the family.
I am worried about the computer, there was something in the manual about the new MacBpook getting too hot and that you should bring it back and get a new one.
I sure do hope everything can just be transfered out of this one and into a new one.I keep feeling the bottom and it is hot.
Wah-wah-wah. At least I remembered to press save 4 times while typing this blog.
July 1st
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Corn on the cob
I am unsure why I find the time to do this blog while cooking dinner. I guess given a time to have this done and put dinner on the table before someone says I'm hungry speeds me up when typing and thinking. Maybe its the multi-tasking disease.
I did bring this new laptop to Palm Springs last week with Mark and Morgan but I did not type up my blog on it. I just didn't feel like it.
I hear Claire singing outside "Don't worry about a thing because everything little things gonna be all right." Or something like that. Though Claire does bug me sometimes, I sit here and think, "Yes thats so true."
I was the teacher in today youth church. The lesson was to build a paper airplane. Speak or write down your anger on it and let it float away. Good lesson. Sometimes I find that I am still holding on and haven't yet sent what ever anger I am holding on to away. Remembering to let go is a good thing. A very good thing.
Getting back to Palm Springs it was a great time. Really, really hot though. Morgan and I tried to stay in an air-conditioned place most of the day and we went out swimming later in the evening. Morgan is getting better at swimming and I am getting better at not looking so scared when I see her sort of drowning ish. Mark was a great swimming teacher to Morgan. The whole trip was very relaxing.
Unlike right now as I listen to Claire and Morgan fight about a hair brush that the other one wants. Drifting thru my mind I hear, "Don't worry." Remembering this I go and make some corn on the cob for tonight's dinner.
June 25th
I did bring this new laptop to Palm Springs last week with Mark and Morgan but I did not type up my blog on it. I just didn't feel like it.
I hear Claire singing outside "Don't worry about a thing because everything little things gonna be all right." Or something like that. Though Claire does bug me sometimes, I sit here and think, "Yes thats so true."
I was the teacher in today youth church. The lesson was to build a paper airplane. Speak or write down your anger on it and let it float away. Good lesson. Sometimes I find that I am still holding on and haven't yet sent what ever anger I am holding on to away. Remembering to let go is a good thing. A very good thing.
Getting back to Palm Springs it was a great time. Really, really hot though. Morgan and I tried to stay in an air-conditioned place most of the day and we went out swimming later in the evening. Morgan is getting better at swimming and I am getting better at not looking so scared when I see her sort of drowning ish. Mark was a great swimming teacher to Morgan. The whole trip was very relaxing.
Unlike right now as I listen to Claire and Morgan fight about a hair brush that the other one wants. Drifting thru my mind I hear, "Don't worry." Remembering this I go and make some corn on the cob for tonight's dinner.
June 25th
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Stepping Up
This morning I went to the gratefulness.org website and read about angles. What a beautiful way to begin a day. Morgan is still asleep and the house is quiet. Mark bought me a new MacBook laptop and now I am able to do this blog anywhere. I am so grateful to him as he is very supportive of me and this blog. There are many reasons why I love this laptop but this morning my reason is, unlike my old computer or "puter" as Morgan likes to say, is when typing on the keypad it is so quiet!
Last Wednesday was Morgans schools graduation. A sort up stepping up to the next level graduation. What it brought up for me was an immense feeling of joy and sadness all at the same time. Just watching 16 three year olds walking along down the grass path with the mortar hats on was heart breaking. The joy in their faces and their little smiles was precious! I had tears streaming down my face. I thought of their lives beginning and the awareness of lives ending. I am reminded of life ending specifically my mom's, it is good to remember we are spiritual beings, and our lives are eternal!
Anyway the community sang a song that I heard long ago at a retreat I attended at Agape in culver city.
"I love myself so much, that I can love you so much, that you can love you so much, that you can start loving me."
What I strong feeling of connectedness! I cry even now just thinking about it.
After Morgans graduation we all went to CompUsa and thats when Mark bought me this computer.
Today when I think "What story am I living?" I can say to myself a loving,happy, contented one.
June 17th 2006
Last Wednesday was Morgans schools graduation. A sort up stepping up to the next level graduation. What it brought up for me was an immense feeling of joy and sadness all at the same time. Just watching 16 three year olds walking along down the grass path with the mortar hats on was heart breaking. The joy in their faces and their little smiles was precious! I had tears streaming down my face. I thought of their lives beginning and the awareness of lives ending. I am reminded of life ending specifically my mom's, it is good to remember we are spiritual beings, and our lives are eternal!
Anyway the community sang a song that I heard long ago at a retreat I attended at Agape in culver city.
"I love myself so much, that I can love you so much, that you can love you so much, that you can start loving me."
What I strong feeling of connectedness! I cry even now just thinking about it.
After Morgans graduation we all went to CompUsa and thats when Mark bought me this computer.
Today when I think "What story am I living?" I can say to myself a loving,happy, contented one.
June 17th 2006
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Summer Fun
Mark had Claire in Santa Barbara this weekend so Morgan and I went to visit my sister Carrie. It was the first time I let Morgan and her cousin play with each other without me being in the room. Morgan is semi predicable. Anywhere there are paints she finds them. Carrie has a thing about getting paint on the floor, furniture, stuffed animals. I guess I do too. If Morgan is using paints in our house I put an apron on her and watch very closley. So I was happy to see that Morgan and Tyler came downstairs with out opening any paint. Oh I should mention Morgan did open up all the markers and put the ink allover her hands. Carrie was complaining that the markers were all dried out the next day. Well, I did offer to buy them more markers.
Now that summer is approaching I will be away from the computer and blogging less and enjoyig the summer fun as opposed to computer fun.
Now that summer is approaching I will be away from the computer and blogging less and enjoyig the summer fun as opposed to computer fun.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Sundays are great!
I like the weekends when Mark spends time with Morgan and I. Yesterday we went to the Height and had lunch at Cha Cha Cha. Morgan was great and stayed at the table, instead of getting up and moving around. Today has started out calm and relaxing. Sundays are great. Semi-Spiritual. Well at least sort of Spiritual.
I hear Morgan laughing at Mark in our bedroom. I love the sound of her laughing. It is so sweet. It softens my heart and uplifts my energy. Laughing is definitely healing. When I am upset and cranky I would like to remember to think of something funny to laugh about. That is my intention today. To remember the funny things in life and let anything that comes up as annoying just float away.
Later today we are going to look for the tempur-pedic pillows. Pillows are funny. If I can't get my pillow comfortable, I have a night of uncomfortale sleeping. I have been thinking about sleeping a lot latley. There is a song that I like by the Googoo Dolls. "I want to wake up where you are." I think that is when I knew that I had to be with Mark. I couldn't bear to sleep away from him.
May 28th
I hear Morgan laughing at Mark in our bedroom. I love the sound of her laughing. It is so sweet. It softens my heart and uplifts my energy. Laughing is definitely healing. When I am upset and cranky I would like to remember to think of something funny to laugh about. That is my intention today. To remember the funny things in life and let anything that comes up as annoying just float away.
Later today we are going to look for the tempur-pedic pillows. Pillows are funny. If I can't get my pillow comfortable, I have a night of uncomfortale sleeping. I have been thinking about sleeping a lot latley. There is a song that I like by the Googoo Dolls. "I want to wake up where you are." I think that is when I knew that I had to be with Mark. I couldn't bear to sleep away from him.
May 28th
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I can do that...
I sit here today and think what should I write? What is up for me? Well the phone just rang and I looked to see who was calling. A weird number came up and I thought I don't want to talk to some sales person or other odd caller. I just didn't answer it.
Sometimes I hear Spirit calling and I just don't want to answer it. I see myself as a creative person yet I don't feel up to taking the invitation from Spirit. Why?
Who knows. Sitting here I think Spirit is calling. Spirit is calling. Thinking about my mom I realize here on planet earth you are limited in the time you get. Has Spirit ever led me in the wrong direction? No. Has Spirit led me to a safe place? Yes.
Ok I will listen to the invitation. I will relax my mind. Stay away from being judgmental. Smile. Feel the warm sun. Listen to the birds singing. Take a deep breath and another deep breath. Believe that all is well, regardless of what stuff looks like. I think I can do that. I can do that. Thank you Spirit.
Sometimes I hear Spirit calling and I just don't want to answer it. I see myself as a creative person yet I don't feel up to taking the invitation from Spirit. Why?
Who knows. Sitting here I think Spirit is calling. Spirit is calling. Thinking about my mom I realize here on planet earth you are limited in the time you get. Has Spirit ever led me in the wrong direction? No. Has Spirit led me to a safe place? Yes.
Ok I will listen to the invitation. I will relax my mind. Stay away from being judgmental. Smile. Feel the warm sun. Listen to the birds singing. Take a deep breath and another deep breath. Believe that all is well, regardless of what stuff looks like. I think I can do that. I can do that. Thank you Spirit.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
BIG words
Today I showed Morgan's teacher, Laurin the year end family card that Mark was working on. She loved it. I kept thinking I would send it to my mom before I remembered she was dead. Some things are a bummer. This is definitely one of them.
Today I purchased a dictionary! A big random house webster's college dictionary. I sure was dumbstruck when I saw it was just 5.99. Oh big word. There are lots of words I have used that I see in here. Drunk'Tank' a large jail cell where persons arrested for alcoholic or drug related behavior are detained. Most of my sisters friends would sleep over in the hall way. We would call that place the drunk tank. Circa 1983.
I think I might have something to say about most of the words in the dictionary. I wonder if Mark would frown at me if I just sat here and read it. Wow there are bad words in this dictionary. I don't want to type any in here though.
I have dishes from dinner on the table and I hear Morgan screaming in the tub as Mark washes her hair. Time to go.
May 10th
Today I purchased a dictionary! A big random house webster's college dictionary. I sure was dumbstruck when I saw it was just 5.99. Oh big word. There are lots of words I have used that I see in here. Drunk'Tank' a large jail cell where persons arrested for alcoholic or drug related behavior are detained. Most of my sisters friends would sleep over in the hall way. We would call that place the drunk tank. Circa 1983.
I think I might have something to say about most of the words in the dictionary. I wonder if Mark would frown at me if I just sat here and read it. Wow there are bad words in this dictionary. I don't want to type any in here though.
I have dishes from dinner on the table and I hear Morgan screaming in the tub as Mark washes her hair. Time to go.
May 10th
Monday, May 08, 2006
Wild Parrots
I sit here watching Mark work on the card for Morgan's pre-primary teacher. She wants to send them to the parents at the end of the year. We need 10 more hours to fill our 25 volunteer hours. Mostly what I'm doing is saying, "Move that one closer" or "Make that one bigger." I don't think I am helping.
This weekend Mark took us to the city. His ploy was, "Lets go see the wild parrots." It sounded fun. What he didn't say was, "There is a flight of stairs to see the wild parrots. Ninety of them." The first ninety weren't so bad. It was the next 100 to go up to the Coit tower that was a stretch. Morgan got to ride piggy back on Marks shoulders. Where was my piggy back ride?
I don't remember ever getting a piggy back ride from anyone. This makes me sad. I must have had a piggy back ride. Didn't I? Anyway, I saw one wild parrot. Green with a red head. Morgan and Mark being ahead of me might have seen 2 or 3. Morgan was calling back to me, "You can make it mom." What so bad about being 25 feet behind them? Ok, maybe just 15 feet behind them. Overall it was an exciting adventure. At least coming down the stairs it was just 10 minutes.
May 7th
This weekend Mark took us to the city. His ploy was, "Lets go see the wild parrots." It sounded fun. What he didn't say was, "There is a flight of stairs to see the wild parrots. Ninety of them." The first ninety weren't so bad. It was the next 100 to go up to the Coit tower that was a stretch. Morgan got to ride piggy back on Marks shoulders. Where was my piggy back ride?
I don't remember ever getting a piggy back ride from anyone. This makes me sad. I must have had a piggy back ride. Didn't I? Anyway, I saw one wild parrot. Green with a red head. Morgan and Mark being ahead of me might have seen 2 or 3. Morgan was calling back to me, "You can make it mom." What so bad about being 25 feet behind them? Ok, maybe just 15 feet behind them. Overall it was an exciting adventure. At least coming down the stairs it was just 10 minutes.
May 7th
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
20+ years
Well I'm back from the burial and memorial. The east coast was great. I feel so alive. To see people you love and haven't seen in 20+ years feels great. To have left Morgan with Mark for 5 days feels almost better than great. What a big relief.
At the cemetery my grandmothers Donahue family plot was just a few hundred feet from my moms Ford family plot. We buried my grandmother first and then went to my moms. It was weird being at the cemetery, I haven't been there since I was 5.
I read from the book The Prophet by Khalif Gibran at my grandmothers grave site. Then everyone got in their cars and drove to my moms site. It was creepy seeing my mom's urn sitting on a table set on astro turf. This time I read Psalm 39 from the bible. I was doing fine until I looked at Colleen and Carrie. I just started to weep. Well not really weep but cry. A man stepped forward to hug me, then I sobbed. I kept thinking my mom's childhood friend is hugging me. I am weeping even now.
I wanted to back to my mom's grave the next day to see if they put the urn in the ground and covered her up. That was Thursday.
Saturday came quick enough. I slept 2 hours the night before thinking about the reading I was doing in the church. I just wasn't sure I could do it after sobbing in the cemetery. My cousin Kevin was doing the first reading and he promised me he would sit where the alter boys sit incase I was crying. Being in the church was nothing like being at the cemetery. The feeling was up lifting and it was great to see all the smiling faces. The reading went super. When I got back to the pew I heard my step brother say, "Group Hug" and just couldn't stop laughing.
After the service there were 65 people at the reception. I am surprised. I thought maybe 25 at the most. I was exhausted after 2 hours and went to sleep in the rental car for half an hour. That was a good power nap. I said good bye to everyone with a rested smile on my face.
Now at home I miss my Aunt Rosemary, Colleen, Carrie, Mary Pat and Marie. The luncheon, dinner, shopping and good times crew. I have a greater awareness of dying and thankfulness for the grace in my life.
April 2nd
At the cemetery my grandmothers Donahue family plot was just a few hundred feet from my moms Ford family plot. We buried my grandmother first and then went to my moms. It was weird being at the cemetery, I haven't been there since I was 5.
I read from the book The Prophet by Khalif Gibran at my grandmothers grave site. Then everyone got in their cars and drove to my moms site. It was creepy seeing my mom's urn sitting on a table set on astro turf. This time I read Psalm 39 from the bible. I was doing fine until I looked at Colleen and Carrie. I just started to weep. Well not really weep but cry. A man stepped forward to hug me, then I sobbed. I kept thinking my mom's childhood friend is hugging me. I am weeping even now.
I wanted to back to my mom's grave the next day to see if they put the urn in the ground and covered her up. That was Thursday.
Saturday came quick enough. I slept 2 hours the night before thinking about the reading I was doing in the church. I just wasn't sure I could do it after sobbing in the cemetery. My cousin Kevin was doing the first reading and he promised me he would sit where the alter boys sit incase I was crying. Being in the church was nothing like being at the cemetery. The feeling was up lifting and it was great to see all the smiling faces. The reading went super. When I got back to the pew I heard my step brother say, "Group Hug" and just couldn't stop laughing.
After the service there were 65 people at the reception. I am surprised. I thought maybe 25 at the most. I was exhausted after 2 hours and went to sleep in the rental car for half an hour. That was a good power nap. I said good bye to everyone with a rested smile on my face.
Now at home I miss my Aunt Rosemary, Colleen, Carrie, Mary Pat and Marie. The luncheon, dinner, shopping and good times crew. I have a greater awareness of dying and thankfulness for the grace in my life.
April 2nd
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Meltdown
Mark, Morgan and I are finished eating dinner. I hear them playing with the legos while I am typing.
Morgan is doing this new thing. Something like a melt down. This morning she did not want her eggs and she was throwing a fit about wanting to have pancakes. Not just a little fit but a major big time fit. The fits that make me want to cry too.
I didn't want to make her pancakes. I did have one that I had frozen last week that I gave to her. A frozen home made pancake made my day.
I thank God for the times when life is simple.
Time and time again I want to spend as much time with God as I do with Morgan.
April 23
Morgan is doing this new thing. Something like a melt down. This morning she did not want her eggs and she was throwing a fit about wanting to have pancakes. Not just a little fit but a major big time fit. The fits that make me want to cry too.
I didn't want to make her pancakes. I did have one that I had frozen last week that I gave to her. A frozen home made pancake made my day.
I thank God for the times when life is simple.
Time and time again I want to spend as much time with God as I do with Morgan.
April 23
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Were trained!
I really can't say enough good things about a potty trained little girl. Life sure is a lot easier. I must say Morgan mostly trained herself. Sometimes she does ask for a treat but I guess thats ok.
April 20th
April 20th
Friday, April 14, 2006
Keep open the door of my heart
Parenting has been harder than I thought it would be. Adding just one person to the household has been more work. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. When I was a girl, my grandma would make dinner for my sisters and I. If my sister Colleen wanted something different for dinner she would make her what she wanted. I find myself thinking about doing that for Morgan. Then I remember than it is Morgan's job to eat what food is on the table and it's my job not to worry about it.
Potty training has been a big deal. I thought it was a quick and easy thing to do. Wrong. When Morgan forgets to use her special training potty and pees on the floor the best thing for the parent to do is to not make a big deal about it. Meanwhile I clean it up mumbling in my head about how I hope this doesn't ruin the wood floors.
Turning 3 has changed some things. Morgan is now sleeping thru the night. Most nights at least. You have to give her a piece of cheese right before she goes to sleep though. After Mark reads her the 3 books, I don't have to lay down next to her until she falls asleep. I now just sit next to her. I cross my legs next to her and try to meditate for a few minutes. It is actually pretty convenient. As long as you can meditate while someone is softly snoring. I tell her I will come and check on her and she stays in the bed and falls asleep. She is wearing big girl underpants. Morgan wears pull up diapers at night for accidents. She gets a star on a chart when she makes a pee-pee in her potty. Things are really quite good. Really.
Morgan and Mark were playing a game where Morgan gave Mark some stuffed animals. There names were: Pee-Pee, Pooh and Pinky Pie. I smile just remembering it.
Keep open the door of my heart.
April 14th
Potty training has been a big deal. I thought it was a quick and easy thing to do. Wrong. When Morgan forgets to use her special training potty and pees on the floor the best thing for the parent to do is to not make a big deal about it. Meanwhile I clean it up mumbling in my head about how I hope this doesn't ruin the wood floors.
Turning 3 has changed some things. Morgan is now sleeping thru the night. Most nights at least. You have to give her a piece of cheese right before she goes to sleep though. After Mark reads her the 3 books, I don't have to lay down next to her until she falls asleep. I now just sit next to her. I cross my legs next to her and try to meditate for a few minutes. It is actually pretty convenient. As long as you can meditate while someone is softly snoring. I tell her I will come and check on her and she stays in the bed and falls asleep. She is wearing big girl underpants. Morgan wears pull up diapers at night for accidents. She gets a star on a chart when she makes a pee-pee in her potty. Things are really quite good. Really.
Morgan and Mark were playing a game where Morgan gave Mark some stuffed animals. There names were: Pee-Pee, Pooh and Pinky Pie. I smile just remembering it.
Keep open the door of my heart.
April 14th
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Low
Morgan is mostly sleeping thru the night and is almost potty trained. I think she and I will have the potty training done by Tuesday. I will then be able to send her to the spring camp at her school next week.
I need some time to be alone. I leave at the end of the month to go bury my mom in Boston. Since its me and my two sisters we thought we would also mail my grandmother's ashes and bury her next to my grandfather. I am feeling sad about this. I am also a little worried about leaving Morgan with Mark. We have never been apart. They have planned to go get the trailer.
This is the next day. I did not finish this last night.
I am to depressed to finish this now.
April 8th
I need some time to be alone. I leave at the end of the month to go bury my mom in Boston. Since its me and my two sisters we thought we would also mail my grandmother's ashes and bury her next to my grandfather. I am feeling sad about this. I am also a little worried about leaving Morgan with Mark. We have never been apart. They have planned to go get the trailer.
This is the next day. I did not finish this last night.
I am to depressed to finish this now.
April 8th
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