20+ years

Well I'm back from the burial and memorial. The east coast was great. I feel so alive. To see people you love and haven't seen in 20+ years feels great. To have left Morgan with Mark for 5 days feels almost better than great. What a big relief.

At the cemetery my grandmothers Donahue family plot was just a few hundred feet from my moms Ford family plot. We buried my grandmother first and then went to my moms. It was weird being at the cemetery, I haven't been there since I was 5.

I read from the book The Prophet by Khalif Gibran at my grandmothers grave site. Then everyone got in their cars and drove to my moms site. It was creepy seeing my mom's urn sitting on a table set on astro turf. This time I read Psalm 39 from the bible. I was doing fine until I looked at Colleen and Carrie. I just started to weep. Well not really weep but cry. A man stepped forward to hug me, then I sobbed. I kept thinking my mom's childhood friend is hugging me. I am weeping even now.
I wanted to back to my mom's grave the next day to see if they put the urn in the ground and covered her up. That was Thursday.

Saturday came quick enough. I slept 2 hours the night before thinking about the reading I was doing in the church. I just wasn't sure I could do it after sobbing in the cemetery. My cousin Kevin was doing the first reading and he promised me he would sit where the alter boys sit incase I was crying. Being in the church was nothing like being at the cemetery. The feeling was up lifting and it was great to see all the smiling faces. The reading went super. When I got back to the pew I heard my step brother say, "Group Hug" and just couldn't stop laughing.

After the service there were 65 people at the reception. I am surprised. I thought maybe 25 at the most. I was exhausted after 2 hours and went to sleep in the rental car for half an hour. That was a good power nap. I said good bye to everyone with a rested smile on my face.

Now at home I miss my Aunt Rosemary, Colleen, Carrie, Mary Pat and Marie. The luncheon, dinner, shopping and good times crew. I have a greater awareness of dying and thankfulness for the grace in my life.

April 2nd