Happy Festivus

Happy Festivus. In the winter time we are supposed to slow down, rest, tell stories, eat, give gifts, receive gifts, learn to love more. Reenergize and heal. I do know why I am alive. Sometimes I forget and then I remember. I say to myself, “Oh yes, I knew that.”
When the sun goes down at 5PM I am happy. My body feels the need to sleep. To sit and relax. To think and say nothing. What is it that you think about? I try to leave worry out of what I am thinking about.
Today I found myself with a festivus gift cerificate. I stood at the store not understanding that I could purchase something for myself. Yes, after looking at knives, something for the kitchen and sheets for the bed, I remembered that the present was mine. Just something for me.
Sales people walked by me and asked if they could help me find something. Not knowing what I wanted I said, “No you can’t help me, but thanks.”
I wanted lipstick. Pink lipstick. I thought, oh Mark doesn’t like lipstick. Then I remembered whose gift this was, MINE. Does it matter to me what people think about me? If I want something that makes me happy its my problem, not another persons. So remembering I don’t really care what people think about me, I bought some pink lip liner and lipstick.
I like it. I smile. I embrace the fullness of this lesson. Being proud of my self respect I went up stairs and bought Morgan some tights. Receiving gifts is nice but giving gifts is nice too.

December 23, 2007

RUNNING OUT OF TIME...

I am unsure why I didn’t know this. People who are attached to you in some way, the people you love, or dislike. NO ONE COMES WITH A MANUAL. You must write your own to understand anyone. I now have almost a whole chapter finished for Mark and I.
With Thanksgiving approaching I am just out of time to finish what I wanted to say about writing a manual. "How to deal with people written all by yourself." In short use your heart, not your head. Just love yourself and everyone around you. I guess I didn't need to write 300 words. I forgot to say be patience with others and yourself too. Well have a great Thanksgiving!!
November 21, 2007
10:33 AM

Living Large

Well, lots of things have happened over this last month. I found the perfect part time job! I work 4 days a week. M-T from
1 to 5. Morgan plays at school from 3 to 5 until I pick her up. Sometimes Mark picks her up at 3, so it isn’t every day that she stays at school longer. Morgan loves staying after school playing with everyone else. Its sort of a play date for her. At my new job I sit at a desk and read. When the phone rings I answer it. Then I tell my boss who is on the line. Sometimes I make a few copies, or bring him the faxes that come in. Mostly I just sit at my desk and read. The phone really never rings. Currently I am re reading Harry Potter book 7. Two weekends ago I got sick. What a major drag being sick is with a 4 year old. I did my best to stay in bed and Mark did his best to get Morgan out of the house so I could sleep. I guess that’s what my body needed. Time to relax and sleep. Eat some soup. Drink some tea. Remember things I have forgotten. There was a time not long ago, something like 10 years that I had stuffed animal named Iggy. Strange that I think 10 years ago wasn’t that long ago. Anyway Iggy used to come everywhere with me. I would put him in my back pack, and take him out when I wanted something to hold. Strange. Maybe Iggy was the precursor to Morgan. Getting used to having something that is always around. I guess being sick brought that feeling up for me. I am no longer just one person. I wouldn’t wish it any other way. I do love being part of a larger life. Living Large. Working 16 hours a week is just large enough for me. I enjoy living simply. That feels large enough too. I enjoy hanging around with Mark and Morgan. It is a way to feel like being a kid again. Maybe that’s it. To feel like being a kid again. I think that is just what is making me feel young. Well younger-ish anyway. What feels important today is, loving the kid inside of me.

October 16, 2007

The Corn Fields

I have been thinking about writing this blog and I did not feel anything entering my mind. Sometimes when I am about to fall asleep my subconscious mind takes over and I remember events, get ideas, have the answer to a question or hear the Universal Mind speak to me. Just now I remembered a time when my sisters and I were sitting in a corn field. We were holding a flag that was 10 feet high. My father and his friend would fly one of those kit planes around the field. When the plane would go down my dad would shout, walk 50 feet ahead of you and turn right. My sisters and I holding the flag would walk around and try to find the plane. That was 32 years ago. In that place now, there are no corn fields. Just big buildings. I wonder if my sisters remember walking in the corn field. Thing sure have changed in the last 30 years. When I was a kid there was a place where you could ride ponys. It’s now a mall. The Beverly Center. Yikes. Where have the dreams gone, that I would think to myself in the corn field? I don't know. But there is one thing I can do right now. I can invent my own new dreams. I don’t have to walk around trying to find something. What I am looking for is inside of me. It is not something I have lost. Maybe something forgotten, but not lost.
I look at Morgan and see myself re-born. Like the corn fields and the Beverly Center I have changed into something new. I love all of the me’s that I am. The me I have been, the future me, and the current me. The good choices and the bad choices, have all led me to this moment.

STONES

OMG (Oh my god) can it be 2 months since I’ve written? The summer must be in some kind of time warp. Did someone put my remote in fast forward? I ask myself what was this summer’s lesson? I guess I found out that having a child changes you in quite a few ways. The life I once had, the things I used to do are sometimes not ok anymore. I am careful with the words I use. The things I say. The tone of my voice. I really used to love all kinds of movies. Now I don’t feel like watching movies where people are dying. Actually I do love the movie Big Fish and the dad does die in that. Oops sorry if you haven’t seen it and I just said the ending. So I guess I haven’t decided what things are different but they are different. Even though I don’t have the words to describe it.
When I thought about writing this I think I wanted to talk about building Cairns. This photo is the one I built on Mount Shasta. I would like to say I built this when I was my Big Self, the self that is full of sunshine, laughter, and joy. Truth is I wasn’t in laughter or joy. I guess I could say I was in sunshine but not the kind I like. I was in 98-degree sunshine. No hat or sunscreen. No water. No chair. I sat among the rocks, which were hot also. I waited for Mark and Morgan to hike back from the snow that was left on Mount Shasta. I waved my hands around to bat at the horse flies. I watched the ants crawl by my feet. I was in fear of the bees passing by my head. I looked at the rocks. I remembered there was something I could do. Something I could involve myself in. Other than think about how hot and thirsty I was. Anyway, after listening to nature I heard rocks speaking to me. They were saying, “We would like to sit atop one another.” Trying to balance them, they did want to sit atop one another. Thinking about it, feeling the oneness of earth and life on this plant is important to me. I want to feel myself in oneness. We went to Mount Shasta to feel the healing energy of one of earth’s vortexes. Thought I really didn’t feel it then, I do feel it now. Reading this I am reminded there is only the One self. Not a Big Self or small Self. Just the One self. The same self that is, the oneness of all life.

August 9, 2007
10:08 PM

Fire The Grid

When you receive an e-mail from me, at the bottom it says “*be inspired*stay inspired*”. When I first set up gaelen.com, which is now gaelencooper.com, my intention has been *be inspired*stay inspired*.
I have tried in my blogs to set the intention to deliver messages of ways I have opened my heart. To live in joy, happiness, and love. Today I am posting a message to visit this website:

http://www.firethegrid.com/eng/home-fr-eng.htm

To view Shelly live and listen to her telling her story you can go to:

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqUAluDvuU4

When part 1 is done you can view part 2-8 by clicking on the screen when it pops up. Each part is about 20 to 30 minutes.

Shelly speaks about things I believe in. To practice random acts of kindness. Focus your energy on thinking about gratitude and joy. Listen to uplifting music.

This has truly been a great inspiration for me. I leave it to your guidance and free will.

June 26, 2007
2:25

My Smile Maker

Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you don’t have time to love them.” If we are quick to pass judgment on others, we forget that they, like us, are human beings. As we seldom know what roads people have traveled before a shared encounter or why they have come into our lives, we should always give those we meet the gift of an open heart. Doing so allows us to replace fear-based criticism with appreciation. “The Daily OM”
Yes, I pass judgment on others. I hear myself thinking, “Dumb ass” when someone cuts me off on the freeway.
The first thing I think when I walk by someone smoking is, “cancer stick.” The next thing is “What is that horrible stench?” I am not so happy to admit I’ve told Morgan to hold her breath when we walk by someone smoking. Morgan even asked me to close the car window when she could smell cigarette smoke from the next car. Is this a judgment? I suppose it is.
Both of my parents died of smoking cigarettes. Still is it any of my business? I would say this is a fear-based critique.
I judge my own child sometimes too. When Morgan eats 2 bites of her dinner and brings her plate to the kitchen and says, “I’m done.” I worry about her health. Do I think, “Yikes!” Yes, sometimes I do. Is it any of my business? Is this a fear-based critique? Am I using my open heart?
Does Morgan know when she has eaten enough? Can she tell when she doesn’t want any more to eat? Well, of course she can. I need to leave my judgments on the side of the road.
I know Morgan is My Smile Maker. Just looking at her little face brings a smile to my face. Maybe Morgan is in my life to teach me the gift of having an open heart.

June, 7th 2007

Low Talking

Today I am spending time thinking about how lucky I am. The itunes on the laptop are playing “Panini Pua Kea” by Cyril Pahinui, who I met in Maui. The living room is clean, the couch is cozy and it’s a nice 68 degrees. I am so blessed. It feels so good to take the time out from my busy life to feel the energy of being blessed.
I was sick last week. There were a few days when I couldn’t speak. Maybe I had laryngitis. I could only whisper. I couldn’t swallow. My thought hurt so badly. At first I thought I had an allergy. Then one night I couldn’t sleep. I drifted from dream to dream with the awareness that I was awake. The next day I told Mark I had a cold. I haven’t had a cold for ages.
I stayed in bed. I couldn’t talk, so I just tried to sleep. Not being able to talk was wonderful! Not having to say anything or feel like I needed to say anything was releasing. Morgan would come into the room right when I had fallen asleep. She wanted to tell me about my bracelets or some other important thing to a 4 year old. The good thing about not being able to talk, was whispering things meant I didn’t scream at her. I didn’t scream, “I am sick and trying to take a nap!” I am calling it “Low Talking”. Low Talking is being free. Though I was upset, taking the time to say everything softly gave me freedom to relax, and just be. I have to admit I am not always relaxed. I don’t like staying in bed. Taking the time to stay in bed, not thinking about what housework needed to be done was a good way to honor myself. To trust that Mark could take care of Morgan, maybe not the same way I would have but in his own way. This all worked for me. Mark even made and cleaned up a yummy dinner. Having been sick I feel blessed being healthy. I value the journey of sickness to health and the lessons I learned. As usual everything works out for the greatest good.

May 11, 2007

Making Up My Mind

Making up my mind. I guess making up my mind depends on how tired I am. It’s like this picture of Morgan deciding if she is going to go down the slide. What slides am I choosing to go down? The last 4 years of my life has been attending to Morgan’s life. I knew it was important to take care of myself first but now and then I was lost.
I would hear Spirit say, “All is well, all is well, all manner of things are well.” I realized it was a Mantra, or Chant. For me in choosing my activities they have to be ones that help me to relax. Deep breathing, bike riding or meditating are things that assist me in clearing my mind. I find Chanting or Mantras; using simple phrases that keep my heart and my mind attuned to speaking words of gratefulness help me to feel full. I have found a place in my life for “my time” as opposed to every one else’s time. Taking the time for me to replenish my well of energy. I use a Mantra. Sometimes I sing my Mantra. “All is well, all is well, all manner of things are well, all is well, all is well, and all manner of things are well.” Sometimes I chant it. I even change it around. I drive on the freeway turn off the music and repeat it. When I feel my body tightening up with thoughts of what to make for dinner or what to do next I think my Mantra. Chanting is my way of cleaning out my mental clutter. When I clear out my mental clutter I find it easier to make up my mind. It even helps me when trying to fall asleep. Bye, bye mental clutter.

April 13, 2007

Everything Worked Out.

While Mark was in Ireland, my sister and her son were here to visit. Carrie wanted to go into the city. I thought, “Lets take the ferry.” So we got up early and Carrie followed me to the ferry station. We were very excited. The ferry ride was actually pretty short. So we arrived at the port. Got off the boat and headed into the ferry terminal. The ferry terminal was so crowded. I began to feel worried. I thought, "What would happen if we got separated?" We hadn’t thought of a place to meet if we got separated. I like places that are not filled with hundreds of people. Places with 100 people are ok, but not small places filled with 1000 people. So we looked around. Carrie said, “Lets go to the place where the cable cars are. “ So we found the cable cars. It was Carrie’s suggestion to go the China Town. I thought, “Its Saturday, there will be a really, really, big crowd.”
I actually thought, "I don’t think I want to go." I never mentioned that to Carrie though. Anyway, we got on the cable car and were unable to sit next to each other. At the next stop the cable car started filling up. Then the next stop Carrie said, “Its time to get off.” Morgan and I stood up and moved to get off. A couple tried to get on the cable car as we were trying to get off. Carrie and Tyler were off and we were stuck. The cable car started to move away. It was bumpy and I grabbed Morgan and found a seat. As we drove up the hill I saw Carrie standing on the corner. Morgan began to cry. I felt like crying but didn’t. I did not know what to do. I kept asking myself, “What should I do?” I focused my attention on looking around for a place to get off the cable car. Morgan was still crying about losing Carrie and Tyler. Focus, focus, and focus I thought. Then I saw the Grace Cathedral. Mark, Morgan and I were at a concert there a few weeks ago. Years ago Grace Cathedral was the place that Mark and I went to walk the labyrinth when we were trying to get pregnant. I asked the cable driver to stop. Morgan and I got off and walked up the steps to the cathedral. Morgan remembered the church and we went inside. As usual for SF it was more than chilly. The church was nice and warm, with the sun shining thru the stained glass windows. It was beautiful. Morgan and I relaxed. Morgan took her shoes off and tried to walk around the labyrinth. It was adorable to watch. Sitting there I began to choose what I wanted. We could take a taxi back to the port and forget that bumpy cable car. I remembered there was a park across from the church. Morgan and I could walk over that way and she could play. I remembered that my cell phone was in my backpack. I started feeling grateful. I realized the strength of God as my power. We left the church and went to the park. Morgan saw a little girl her age and they were both wearing the same shoes. They were instant friends. I called Carrie. She and Tyler were having fun and would head back to the ferry at 7pm. Morgan played in the park. We hailed a taxi and got back to the port. We had burritos at the ferry terminal. We took the ferry home. Thought we never made plans with Carrie about where to go if we got separated everything worked out. That day I was thankful to be the witness of a miracle. The miracle of Joy that moved thru my body. Joy that replaced the fear of what to do next. I’m glad I didn’t worry about the “how” and trusted Spirit to take care of the how.

April 6, 2007

We are like magnets

Well today I am working on my blog because Mark who is in Ireland visiting his dad said to me, “I was on line and checked on your blog and I didn’t see a new one.”
Could that be because I am so busy taking care of Morgan while he is away?
Having Mark gone for 3 weeks is a stretch for me. In the 10 days Mark has been gone Morgan has been awake 2 times each night. Oh yeah there was one night she slept straight through till 6:30am. This is what I am observing.
Currently I am into Chinese astrology. I am a wood snake. Today’s forecast is “Foolish and un-knowledgeable people blame their circumstances when opposed.” Could opposed mean observing? Is Morgan not sleeping thru the night the circumstance I am being opposed to? Am I blaming my slightly bad attitude on this? Am I blaming Mark being gone on all of this? I am not so sure.
I do know that in the secret it says, “Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting.” Winston Churchill said, “You create your own universe as you go along” so knowing that the universe will re-arrange itself accordingly I will stop feeling sorry for myself and choose to be a magnet for enjoyment.
Today is the first day of spring and this brings lots of wonderful things for me. Everything has been washed by the rain and looks awake, and I feel renewed. I can peel off the winter layers that have kept me warm and enjoy the feeling of spring. Mark joins us in 10 days and today 10 days doesn’t seem like a long time. It feels good to sit in the chair of gratitude and watch the colors of the earth come alive. Even now having thought I was finished writing I am remembering some good things about Mark being gone. I can turn the heat on to 68 in the house all day long, I can sleep on his side of the bed, I can watch the food network chanel all I want. Being a magnet for enjoyment sure is working quickly.


March 20, 2007

Please and Thank You is the Secret of the Nile

I am amazed I haven’t done my blog in just about one month. What could have been happening you ask? Life has been happening. Specifically, I took a part time job. What? Yes, I took a part time job.
A friend of mine told the owner of a place called The Lotus Center, “I know someone who would be great working here.” Since I have loved being a stay at home mom I really didn’t think about the job. Until someone said to me, "Maybe if you had a job you wouldn’t have as much time to worry about Morgan.” Instead of checking in with my heart I thought, “Yea maybe a job from 9am-1pm wouldn’t be so bad.” Morgan doesn’t get out of school till 3pm. That could probably work out. So I went to the Lotus Center and spoke with the Stephanie the owner. She hired me. After working a couple of days I noticed something. I hadn’t heard a please or any sort of positive recognition. An example would be…. “You are doing a good job” or “What a great job multi tasking.” Nothing. Not one word. I started thinking what kind of place is this? Yes, I love kudos and being admired but saying Please and Thank You is the Secret of the Nile as Morgan’s favorite cartoon The Backyardigans would say.
A place that never says “Your are doing a good job, thanks for the hard work.” Where was the Love at The Lotus Center?
I cannot work where there is no Love. So I told Stephanie this job is not for me. I guess the moral of this is, “Listen to your heart. Thoughts that bring about good feelings means you are on the right track. Thoughts that bring about bad feelings means you are not on the right track.” Yes, I quit my job and there is not one thing wrong with that. We all work with infinite power, and what I believe in is Love.

March 1, 2007

What is it with the super bowl?

What is it with the super bowl? Every radio station I listened to last week was, super bowl this and super bowl that. Even the super market commercials were super bowl this and super bowl that. I am so sick of the super bowl. I have started calling it the stupid bowl. The reason I love Mark so much is that he doesn’t watch football, baseball or golf. I really never thought of myself having to think that my “Hot piece of ass” would be gone on super bowl days. When Morgan was born it was a super bowl day. Mark stayed right next to me as I delivered Morgan. No talk about the super bowl. Nothing. Today Mark was nowhere to be found. At 5am he left the house to go geocache. Yes, it’s as lame as it sounds. Geocache. Geocache is hanging out with other men trying to find treasure. Ugh.
Morgan and I had a great day though. My sister and her son came over. The words, “Lets watch the super bowl” never came up. After my sister left Morgan and I played spa day. That’s when we get in the bath and relax. After getting out of the tub I brush her hair, cut her nails, and paint them. It was very relaxing. As Mark was gone all day today I am going to tell him I need my own spa day where I will be gone all day, while he hangs out with Morgan. Maybe I will go to the kind of spa where you sit naked in hot mud. I think that’s what you do. One of those things take the toxins out of you body. Have a nice long massage. Take a nap. Have a really yummy healthy vegetarian dinner. Look into my Chinese astrology. My spa day sounds great! Good for me to realize it’s my turn and I am proud of myself to recognize it.

February 4, 2007

New Cream Couch

Yes Morgan is going to be 4 next Friday and we bought a new cream couch. Am I insane? A cream microfibre couch and a 4 year old? A new living room table too?
Well once the new couch was delivered and we took the living room table out of the garage and set it all up it was obvious that the table didn’t look good with the new couch.
Why did we have the living room table in the garage? When Morgan was born we thought this table has 4 pointy corners and glass. Morgan could poke her eye out. I was in new parent thinking mode. Though Claire never poked her eye out on the table it just seemed like the correct thing to do. Getting back to the story.... with our old couch when Mark, Morgan, Claire and myself were sitting on it we were all a bit cozy. A little too cozy. Sort of cramped. You could lie down on the couch if no one else was there, or if Morgan was lying on top of your body. My sister had just bought a new couch and Mark’s cousin Jamie had just bought a new couch too. Mark and I laughed. A new couch with little kids! Crazy. Not us, no-way.
Well we happened to go to the Evolution store because they had a store closing sign up. I said to Mark, “Oh the Evolution store is closing this location and they have really nice stuff in there.” I was hoping we could get a new bookshelf. As I looked around for the bookshelves Mark sat on a couch. He was actually lying on a couch. I came back and said, “No book shelves that I like here.” Mark looked at me and said, “I think I love this couch.” I then sat there on the couch and we cozied up on the chaise. “Wow this is nice I said.” I looked to the other end of the couch and imagined 5 other adults sitting there. “Hi 5 other people I said.” Mark and I laughed. The sales person headed over and I said, “Do cats like to claw this type of material?” “Nope, Jim the sales person said.” Well that’s good news. I said to Mark, “Morgan could be shown that we don’t eat food on the couch” Mark answered, “Yes, we could teach Morgan not to eat on the couch. At your sisters house they don’t have anything to eat on the couch.” I thought about that. Yea, at Carrie’s house Morgan and her cousin Tyler sit on the tile and eat their food. Could this be possible? Well why not. Morgan is growing up to be a good listener. So after telling Morgan a new couch was coming and repeating, “No eating or jumping on the new couch” 15 times a day I felt good about the cream couch. Now that the couch is here does Morgan eat anything on the couch? No. Does Morgan jump on the new couch? Yes sometimes. Well sometimes I feel like jumping on the new couch. It looks like a lot of fun. I think that’s the great thing about being 4. Jumping on the bed, jumping on the couch, loving life. Well isn’t loving life the greatest thing? Yes it sure is. I love life. Maybe I should jump around and say, “I love life” Just not on the new cream couch.

January 19th 20007