Happy Festivus

Happy Festivus. In the winter time we are supposed to slow down, rest, tell stories, eat, give gifts, receive gifts, learn to love more. Reenergize and heal. I do know why I am alive. Sometimes I forget and then I remember. I say to myself, “Oh yes, I knew that.”
When the sun goes down at 5PM I am happy. My body feels the need to sleep. To sit and relax. To think and say nothing. What is it that you think about? I try to leave worry out of what I am thinking about.
Today I found myself with a festivus gift cerificate. I stood at the store not understanding that I could purchase something for myself. Yes, after looking at knives, something for the kitchen and sheets for the bed, I remembered that the present was mine. Just something for me.
Sales people walked by me and asked if they could help me find something. Not knowing what I wanted I said, “No you can’t help me, but thanks.”
I wanted lipstick. Pink lipstick. I thought, oh Mark doesn’t like lipstick. Then I remembered whose gift this was, MINE. Does it matter to me what people think about me? If I want something that makes me happy its my problem, not another persons. So remembering I don’t really care what people think about me, I bought some pink lip liner and lipstick.
I like it. I smile. I embrace the fullness of this lesson. Being proud of my self respect I went up stairs and bought Morgan some tights. Receiving gifts is nice but giving gifts is nice too.

December 23, 2007