STONES

OMG (Oh my god) can it be 2 months since I’ve written? The summer must be in some kind of time warp. Did someone put my remote in fast forward? I ask myself what was this summer’s lesson? I guess I found out that having a child changes you in quite a few ways. The life I once had, the things I used to do are sometimes not ok anymore. I am careful with the words I use. The things I say. The tone of my voice. I really used to love all kinds of movies. Now I don’t feel like watching movies where people are dying. Actually I do love the movie Big Fish and the dad does die in that. Oops sorry if you haven’t seen it and I just said the ending. So I guess I haven’t decided what things are different but they are different. Even though I don’t have the words to describe it.
When I thought about writing this I think I wanted to talk about building Cairns. This photo is the one I built on Mount Shasta. I would like to say I built this when I was my Big Self, the self that is full of sunshine, laughter, and joy. Truth is I wasn’t in laughter or joy. I guess I could say I was in sunshine but not the kind I like. I was in 98-degree sunshine. No hat or sunscreen. No water. No chair. I sat among the rocks, which were hot also. I waited for Mark and Morgan to hike back from the snow that was left on Mount Shasta. I waved my hands around to bat at the horse flies. I watched the ants crawl by my feet. I was in fear of the bees passing by my head. I looked at the rocks. I remembered there was something I could do. Something I could involve myself in. Other than think about how hot and thirsty I was. Anyway, after listening to nature I heard rocks speaking to me. They were saying, “We would like to sit atop one another.” Trying to balance them, they did want to sit atop one another. Thinking about it, feeling the oneness of earth and life on this plant is important to me. I want to feel myself in oneness. We went to Mount Shasta to feel the healing energy of one of earth’s vortexes. Thought I really didn’t feel it then, I do feel it now. Reading this I am reminded there is only the One self. Not a Big Self or small Self. Just the One self. The same self that is, the oneness of all life.

August 9, 2007
10:08 PM