11PM

Well its 11:05 PM and I can’t sleep. I hear Mark snoring and it is bugging. I am still a little sick and should try to go to sleep. Sleeping in the trailer isn’t the heaven one might think. Tonight it is the hell one might think it would be.
Well I did get to sleep and its Friday at 4:57. We went to the San Diego Zoo and saw the pandas. I am surprised they are really cute. Sitting out side and eating bamboo leaves they looked so sweet. I did take a picture of the pandas but I forgot the card reader to post the picture of the pandas, so no panda pictures on today’s blog. My sister and her 2 girls were there with us and it was an overall good time. I felt funny seeing the animals all caged up in the zoo.
We are at Campland on the Bay RV Park here in San Diego. We had the hot water in the Airstream fixed and we purchased a porta potty, so at 4AM I don’t have to go to the public restroom or use what I was calling the pee cup. There are heated pools here and the kids went swimming after the zoo. Morgan had her floaters on and was floating by the steps and was doing all right until she took them off. Then it was time to come back to the trailer, take her out of her wet swim suit, get her dressed, give her a warm sippy cup and put her in the electric blanket to take a nap. Mark is actually making dinner for us tonight. Claire requested mac and cheese and Mark and I are going to have Jaipur vegetables that you heat up in boiling water. It is time to stop writing and post this blog and eat some dinner.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

I do like to do this Blog every other Friday but wow have I been busy!!! I am starting to like winter here in Northern California. Yes its chilly, kind of rainey but it gets dark early and it feels nice to make a fire and just sit there. Yes just sit there with no TV on and maybe some holiday music playing.
Winter is actually a good time to rest. I think I needed some time to rest after this busy summer. My soul says rest, move slower. Actually it is all I have wanted to do, yet I feel guilty. I think I have lots of stuff to get done and I forget to renew, refresh and replenish.
This year I am not giving out wrapped presents. I am giving gift certificates. I am telling Morgan Santa brings unwrapped presents to our house. My friend Judy told me that her parents used to tell her that. It sounds great to me. Mark and I decided we would limit our gifts to each other to $100.00.
The above picture is of one of my favorite holiday lawn ornaments. Mark put the ornaments out this year and Morgan and I say good-bye to all of them as I drive her to Montessori in the morning. I remember buying the lawn ornaments in Orange County. It was at least 10 years ago. Although I had no idea who my future family would be, I was hoping who ever it was would love them too. Well Morgan does love them and I am not too sure about Mark. It was nice of him to put them up though. Well I do have a few minutes to sit and practice breathing. Breathing in and out saying “God is Peace and I am Peace”
December 5, 2006

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving went well for us this year. We had Claire and this makes Mark happy. At the dinner table Claire was the first to say, “Everyone say one thing you are grateful for.” I was pleasantly surprised because that’s what I was going to say. This year was the first time in 20 years that I did not have to work the day after Thanksgiving. What a relief. People ask me “What are you going to do when you go back to work?” I just say, “I don’t know.” What I really want to say is “I’m never going back to work.” Actually I am sure my heart and Soul will let me know what to do when I feel like doing something.
Anyway I was even thinking of setting up the Christmas tree this afternoon. After a busy day with the cousins I think we will do it tomorrow.
What am I grateful for this thanksgiving? Today the sun was out and the skies were filled with beautiful clouds. I mailed out our Christmas cards. There were lots of hugs and kisses. I am grateful for this year’s challenges and opportunities. I love the giving I have done and I am proud enough to remember to for-give myself.
The Soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals. (Kahlil Gibran) I think that’s what I am most grateful for this year. The times I feel my soul unfolding.
Oh there is one more thing. I lost all the pictures of my mom’s memorial. They were in my laptop. I cried about it, talked about it, felt sorry for myself. I checked into recovering them. My friend Rachel found this guy Aaron who had a recovery program. Out of thousands of jpegs they found the one of my mom’s urn. I am grateful to my mom’s Spirit for helping them find it. It is amazing how great the Universe works.
Friday November 24th

Malibu Beach RV Park

I am sitting here in Malibu at the Malibu Beach RV Park. I love being back in Southern California. It is warm, sunny and Mark is playing with Morgan and Claire as I do this blog. Now that’s what I call relaxing. Sitting in the shade drinking a spicy hot V8 juice and typing this WI-FI. Today’s line up for the Airstream group is the Getty Museum here in Malibu. I have been to the museum before and I remember it being nice. I hope the girls will like it.
In the bathroom this morning I was washing my face. The morning scrub I use you have to use it for 2 minutes. I was walking around. Just noticing stuff. I saw a wad of money on the floor. At first I thought maybe I should leave it there. Then I thought, “Don’t leave a gift from God on the floor.” Love yourself enough to treat yourself. I picked it up and counted the 7 dollars. Why was I still feeling guilty? Why do I cut myself short? Why do I have a hard time accepting Gods gifts? Why do I put everyone else first? Well not today. I will remember to take care of who is number one. Me. I will remember when Mom is happy everyone is happy. I will live in gratitude and enjoy being in Malibu. This is a place I loved in my childhood. Marvin Hamlisch had a home here on the beach. I used to come here with his nephew, David and just hang out. One of the first places I drove to once I got was my license was here. I loved driving along looking at the people on the beach. I think I will go down to the beach with Mark and the kids and build some sand castles. Sand castles are good for the soul.
November 10th

Pumpkin Patch

Yes today Morgan’s class went to the pumpkin patch. I drove Morgan and one of her classmates Richard. It was cute to see all the kids there. I loved the hayride. I didn’t really love the hay as I was kinda allergic to it but otherwise it was a sweet adventure. I don’t remember ever going to the pumpkin patch when I was little. I don’t think in Beverly Hills there was a pumpkin patch close by. Halloween wasn’t really a big holiday for our family. I can’t even remember wearing a costume as a child. I’m sure it was the kind my Mom bought at Thrifty.
Of course I bought Morgan the costume she wanted in the Lands End catalogue. Yes it is a princess costume. Morgan wants Mark to dress up as the king. Interesting. I don’t think its gonna happen but it would be sort of cute.
I am sick. Last week Mark went to Santa Barbara to spend the weekend with his daughter Claire. When he goes away for the weekend it’s just Morgan and I. I sleep less and worry more about nothing. So I am sick. Doing my blog when I’m sick is also sort of draining my energy. Actually sitting here and thinking about it I am tired. I think I need to go to blow my nose for the millionth time today and so to sleep.

Composting

Yes that is a picture of our new composter. Actually it is the ComposTumbler. The best thing about the composter is that all the vegetable waste you produce in your kitchen can be thrown into the composter. Not only kitchen waste but also eggshells, tea bags, wood ash (from your fireplace) and farm manure. Farm manure you ask? Well there is a place down the street that houses horses for the Mill Valley tenants. They put the manure in a bucket and you can go there and scoop some out, for free.
I was feeling wasteful when I would dump all of the peels of cut apples, or the pear peels or the banana skins into the trash. Now I just walk into the back yard and put it into the composter. Very cool. I am not so sure about the horse poop but since Mark does that I just need to know that the poop is bringing nitrogen to the party. My parting party gift is earthy yummy soil so that my next garden will grow great tomatoes, zucchini, lettuce, and basil. Just writing this I want a salad. You could even save your hair from the salon and put it in the composter for it to break down as nitrogen too. I don’t think I ever would do that but I could. It feels great saving the landfill from un-necessary trash.

Aloha Spirit

The above picture is of Morgan and Mauve at the Maui Ocean Center.

Wow I can’t believe we have been back a whole week from Maui and I am just getting around to doing my blog. Maui was really a great experience. Everyone is telling me I look so rested, 5 years younger, and relaxed. I do feel that way too.
Everyone in America should have a month’s vacation. My biggest daily decision was to have meat or fish for dinner and what restaurant should we go to.
I am still feeling the aloha spirit, though I was slightly worried about Morgan’s first day of school but I think that’s a mom thing. After thinking hard about my life I would say raising a happy, healthy child is my goal at the moment. We all loved the Maui Ocean Center. Morgan especially. Though seeing the halibut swimming around I felt funny about eating it. I like it a lot better than salmon. Maybe it’s a bottom dweller thing. Actually I didn’t know they were so flat. You see posters of bears catching salmon. I have never seen a poster of an animal catching a halibut. Well I guess other fish catch halibut but I don’t think I have seen a picture of it. Hum. Its now 6:30 on Friday and I want to get this posted. Blessings to everyone.

Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar

Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar

The above picture is Cyril Pahinui, a famous slack key guitarist, my friend Rachel and of course myself! We went to the concert series here in Maui. It was held at the Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua.
Slack key guitar is the greatest thing! The music or mele was fantastic. Cyril and the musical host, George Kahamoku Jr. were inviting and I learned more about Hawaiian slack key guitar than I have ever known. Actually I didn't know too much about slack key guitar. Rachel treated me to this event. As I type this blog I am listening to the 2006 grammy award winning, Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar album on my laptop. This mele is so relaxing. Yesterday Mark purchased a new mini ukulele. Inspiried by the slack key mele. Driving back to the condo Morgan fell asleeep in the car listening to it. It is a great feeling to have our family inspired by hawai'i mele. I am grateful to Spirit for all the musical variety in different cultures. This mele rocks!

No Drama in Maui

When you confront your emotional response to drama and the purpose it serves in your life, you can reject it. Each time you consciously choose not to take part in dramatic situations or associate with dramatic people, you create space in your inner being that is filled with a calm and tranquil stillness and becomes an asset in your quest to lead a more centered life. “Daily OM”

Maui for me is a no drama zone. Ok, when I found out that Mark accidentally erased all my photos out of my laptop I did chose to be a Drama Queen. I even went to the whaler mall and bought the Maui Jim sunglasses I wanted. After that, I choose to not take part in my dramatic situation and step out into a place where my inner being was calm. Feeling much better I headed back to our condo. When I saw Mark and Morgan driving into the garage, I felt like the universe brought us together at a time when I was calm and ready to start loving. I was mighty happy that I had taken the time to watch where my inner being was and to change it. I am also grateful for the Aloha feeling here in Maui. It made easy to start fresh with a smile on my face. Upon seeing Mark and Morgan they gave me a gift certificate and were carrying smiles of love on their faces. All is well in Maui.

September 8th 2006

Sand Storm

Right now I am sitting in the living room. The ocean looks beautiful and the palm trees are gracefully blowing in the wind. As the palm trees blow in the wind I am reminded of the trip to Napali Beach last week. A lovely place. Mark, Morgan and I got out of the car, took all our stuff down to the beach; climbed down to the sand and realized we were getting pelted by sand. The earth was stinging us. Mark set up our cabana and it blew away. Mark set up the cabana again and Morgan played in the new and improved sand filled cabana. Mark and I went down to the ocean; it was soothing to be away from the sand storm. We were the only people on the beach. After a few minutes a family arrived. They set up their towels, etc. Five minutes later they packed up and were gone. I looked at Mark and we both said, “We’re through.” I love the beach, but it was really getting un-comfortable. Morgan never complained though. I guess with the cabana over her and being in the sand hole she wasn’t really being pelted. As the earth wasn’t being our healer right then I think our best choice was to exit. Change roles. Become the chef and go back to the condo and make lunch.

Changing roles in life is sometimes easy and other times not so easy. I feel comfortable with my roles right now.
Right now, we have some friends visiting us in Maui. Katie a friend of 30 years; her husband Mike and their 3 kids. Maeve, Kevin and Mary Kate.
Last night Mark and Mike went out to a few of the bars. As they left the condo the rest of us went to bed. I awoke at 1 AM in the morning and looked to see if Mark was in the bed. Not seeing him I went into the living room. Mark was asleep on the couch. I said, “Time to get up and get in bed.” I suppose this role is, Loving Wife Role. The one who wants to see their beloved warm and cozy in the bed. Not cold on the couch. Of course, each day is filled with different roles. Caregiver, educator, housekeeper, philosopher. The list goes on. Is it that I am getting comfy as I am growing into being 40ish? Whatever it is I am happy being me, in the place I find the universe delivering me to.

September 3rd, 2006

Macadamia nuts

The flight to Maui went great. Morgan was super! When we woke her up at 5AM she was excited to be sitting in the limo and at the airport she wheeled her Tinkerbelle suitcase and walked beside Mark and I. Being 6AM the lines at the baggage check in and the security check in were short. No headache for me was a first. The first flight from SFO to LA Morgan was awake and had a great time. When we got to LA our flight for Maui left at 10AM. Morgan got on the plane and was asleep by 10:15AM and she slept 3 hours. The really exciting part was the, Half Way to Hawaii contest that was held on the flight. Since Morgan was asleep Mark and I had time do the contest. With Morgan sitting between us we worked on it separately. I saw Mark pulling out his palm phone and using the calculator. I sat quietly and thought, “The answer to all things is within me.” I did some very simple math in my head and told Mark to write down the ½ way time to Hawaii would be at 9:48 and 5 seconds. He said, "Your 8 minutes off from what I figured out." We passed the forms in. As the flight was getting ready to land the stewardess came to our seat and said to Mark you won! Mark said, "Which seat was it?" the stewardess said G. Cooper! The prize was Mauna Loa macadamia nuts and it wasn’t the nuts I was excited about. Here I was, all worried about the flight, the luggage, how long the lap top battery would last in the lap top, the worry list went on. I was so proud. I listened to my intuition and just wrote what I heard in my head. Thank you Spirit! Mark kept asking me. “How did you figure it out?” I kept saying, “Spirit did it through me.”

August 24, 2006

I am so lucky

As I sat down on my new “Balanceball” chair, which is a small bounce ball seated in a plastic chair. I had to look up life with gaelen to check on last week’s entry date. Weird. Anyway the balanceball chair helps relieve stress on the spine. Basically you sit upright with your spine straight. No slouching allowed. Of course Morgan hopped on it and wanted to play with it when we got it set up in the office. Luckily I have a big green bounce ball from when I was pregnant with Morgan. So although it is a little too big for Morgan, she set it up at her little desk in the office. She can’t get herself up on the top of it but it seems to make her happy to have a chair like mom. Earlier today Morgan came with me to CompUSA and she brought a small toy with her. As we left CompUSA both of us had forgotten about her pink hippo. An hour later I remembered about the hippo and decided not to say anything about it. I thought it was my fault it was gone because I didn’t remember to ask Morgan about pink hippo when we were leaving the store. As the Universe works the minute I thought about pink hippo, Morgan remembered that we left it at the store. So as we drove back to the store for pink hippo I began to sweat. I was repeating in my mind “pink hippo be there”… “pink hippo be there” and pink hippo was there. So I told Morgan how lucky we were that pink hippo was still there. As we drove away I started thinking about war in the Middle East. How I would feel if something that was dear to me was gone. I continue to pray, “Create a world of radiant life, overflowing abundance, and lasting peace.” and remember all things are possible. I am so lucky. Thank you God.

August 16, 2006

Been back a week...

I am sitting here not believing that we have been back almost a week from Oregon and I am now getting ready to do Life With Gaelen. Time moves so quickly and sometimes time moves so slowly. I guess when I feel I have a problem or a challenge I feel time moving slowly. It must be the mind that makes time move. How can you make your mind work the best for you? Taking care of you I guess is the first place to start. Stepping away form negative energy no matter how difficult that seems to be is also a good beginning. I find when declaring what is good for me is not always felt by others as a good thing. Take the time to be quiet, meditate, and listen to your heart. Feel good about speaking the truth of your soul and give up judging what others think of you. At least that is what I am working on. It is not always easy but learning to be patient with Spirit and waiting for great out comes is always worth the wait.
I am amazed that we leave for our month in Maui in just 14 days. Already I am thinking about what to pack. Mark likes to use a duffle bag, something I do not like to do. I like to neatly fold my clothes, and roll them up and remember where each thing is so I do not have to pull everything apart. I think I am a neat nick.
I hear the Wiggles DVD repeating itself and Morgan’s footsteps pitter padding down the hall to tell me all about the Wiggles. Mark is busy attaching the counter top to the new cabinet. Our new fridge is coming tomorrow and we want it to fit in the spot. It is time for me to go and hear about The Wiggles. The Wiggles being my least favorite, next to Barney that there is.

August 8, 2006

Oregon is pretty stunning

I am having a day off. What do I like to do?...my blog of course. I am sitting in our trailer in Oregon. We are at the East Lake Resort, which is a very beautiful place. I am wearing my new East Lake Resort pull over and it is my favorite blue color. The blue that matches my eyes. (Of course I can’t go on a trip and not purchase something)
Oregon is actually stunning. We are staying in the volcanic area, Newberry Caldera where you can see lava everywhere. We went to the Obsidian lava flow river, which is amazing. I am getting a good work out as everywhere we go it’s at least one mile of walking. Mark brought us to the Central Pumice cone which is an under groung cave. I lasted 5 minutes before I yelled out "Lets get out of here!" much too dark and creepy for me. So far my favorite place is the Crater Lake National Park. The Crater Lake has incredibly blue water and in fact it is the deepest blue lake in the United States. Crater Lake also has the best food we have eaten in Oregon, as everywhere we have stopped at has been sort of gross.
Mark has Claire and Morgan today, hence my day off. My friend Randy suggested I ask for a day off during this 10 day trailer event and that has turned out to be a very good thing. Yes, I love my family but being in a 22ft. trailer can be annoying. Actually the first 3 days I almost finished one of the small bottles of Tylenol. It took Claire 3 days just to mellow out and get used to being with Mark, Morgan and I. It took me 3 days to not make a comment about the negative things Claire was doing. We have had 2 days with no time outs for Claire, which is a great thing. We did separate the 2 car seats so that no one is poking any one else. Mark bought the 2-screen DVD player so the girls each have a screen to watch. This makes the 12-hour trip manageable. Well we do two days of driving 6 hours. I think the DVD players in the car make life driving so much easier. Maybe the reason I have no memories of being in the car with my mom and dad is because DVD car players weren’t invented. I think my only memory of going on a long car trip was to Disneyland or my grandmothers in Arcadia.
Well getting back to Oregon it started off warm, you know shorts and stuff but the last 2 days its been really chilly, which is sort of sad because I love rivers and it is just a little too cold to go swimming in the East Lake river. Tomorrow we are heading back home and our next stop is Shasta Lake. I hope I get some river swimming time when we get there. I think I will head off to the showers while Mark and the girls are gone.


August 1, 2006

95 Degrees

Well it is 95 degrees in the house at 6:31pm. Morgan is running around in the sprinklers and I don’t really feel like typing this blog. It is just to hot. We went to the beach today but the beach in San Francisco is different from the beach in Manhattan Beach. It is windy here at the beach. I guess I am the only one who cares about that. Mark fell asleep and Morgan was picking up driftwood sticks and calling them pickles. I ended up putting a hat on. The best thing about the beach was the 70 degree temp.
In trying to stay in gratitude, I remember just 5 miles to the north its 10 degrees hotter. I think for Morgan’s nighttime movie we will go down stairs and watch the video on this laptop. The heat makes me crabby. I have to think about what I am about to say so it doesn’t sound snappy or snippy. In remembering that there is an abundance of everything each of us needs health, wealth, love, creativity. I think I will use my creativity and join Morgan and run thru the sprinklers.

July 22nd

Life is Good

Life is good. Regardless of the actual situation going on "Life is good" is always true. Remembering it is key though.
Mark and I have been working on the family calendar and he put his in his palm pilot phone so he can look and see if we have plans on specific days. Hopefully this will help our communication. Communication is an essential part of being married. Well at least being happily married for me.
As Mark and I are working on our communication it helps us when we give Morgan directions. The idea of working as a team is what keeps popping up for me. Practicing team work helps to relieve my stress level. I don't feel like all the responsibility of the situation is mine alone.
Mark has been great about making breakfast in the morning when Morgan has her summer camp. I can then focus on getting her dressed and making her lunch. Morgan is one of those people who is slow to wake up in the morning. I start singing a song when I am waking her up. "Good morning toys, good morning toys good morning to you!" Then Morgan will call out a specific thing to say good morning to. Today she wanted me to say good morning to her butt. So of course I did sing good morning butt. Morgan was cracking up, when Morgan laughs I laugh. Laughing the first thing in the morning is wonderful.
When I was looking at the comedy selection on Netflix the other day I realized I had seen many of them. About 100 or so. Stripes with Bill Murray is still one of my favorites. Well on a very recent level I really liked 40 Year Old Virgin and laughed thru most of it.
The beautiful thing about my imagination is I think it is Spirit's job to laugh. Why else does my soul like to laugh so much?

July 14th 2006

Music

Well this morning I put the itunes on while typing on the computer. How delightful. I love this kind of music that doesn't have commercials.

I question myself. Will todays writing take me to endless possibilities? Even right now I am not sure of what I am going write. I guess the important thing is saying "yes" to the Spirit. Opening myself up to listening.

Today is a special day for me. Mark took Morgan to Angel Island. I have till 5:20pm to do anything I want. What is it that I want to do? Take a nap, shop, surf the web, do some laundry, talk with friends, do my blog, go to a movie, write, sit quietly and meditate, pray, go to the library, the list is endless. I decide to sit here and wait for an idea.

Live music gives me the feeling of community. Last night we went to down town Tiburon and on Friday nights they have food and live music in the streets. The beauty of watching people dance, especially children is heart warming. Morgan stood up to dance, or jump around. The music was drawing her. Pulling her. I think she was even in love with it. The real beauty of the experience for me was watching Mark dance with Morgan. The emotion of pure love. The joy in their faces. The light in their eyes. It gave me a profound feeling of gratefulness just to be alive. Standing there listening to the music, seeing all the people having fun, smiling.
The love of music comes from a deep part of my soul. Music makes me feel free. There was a time long ago that I did not have a stereo in my car. At that time it helped me to think in a quiet space. I still remember the day when I got the stereo installed in my car. The feeling of joy I felt when I turned the radio on. The feeling that I was close to God. I guess for me the feeling of being close to God is why my soul loves music.

July 8th 2006

Russian River

There is this thing I do. I start writing this blog and I get so into it that I forget to save it. I wrote a great one last week about how we were going to the Russian River and how excited I was. I was sitting on my bed and I just kept typing and the computer was getting hot and all of a sudden it stopped. It just would not register any sort of movement. I ended turning off the computer and starting it again. Having not saved anything my blog was gone. A very sorry me just went to bed.
The one good thing about that was Mark did come into the room and read the bolg before I shut the computer down. So at least it did have a reader before going away, into the place where lost computer stuff goes.

Well back from the Russian River I am rested. I was able to swim naked in the river (something I love to do) and come out feeling refreshed and healed. Remembering being 97% water, its important to swim in it, and feel it on your body.
Mark, Morgan and Claire were laughing at me since they had bathing suits with them and did not have to get naked. Getting naked a a good thing. A very good thing. There were no people around so the family did not feel weird or scared about my nakedness. Anyway the next day at the river there were lots of people around so I didn't take my swimsuit off until I was in the water and no one could see, thus not scaring the family.

I am worried about the computer, there was something in the manual about the new MacBpook getting too hot and that you should bring it back and get a new one.
I sure do hope everything can just be transfered out of this one and into a new one.I keep feeling the bottom and it is hot.
Wah-wah-wah. At least I remembered to press save 4 times while typing this blog.

July 1st

Corn on the cob

I am unsure why I find the time to do this blog while cooking dinner. I guess given a time to have this done and put dinner on the table before someone says I'm hungry speeds me up when typing and thinking. Maybe its the multi-tasking disease.

I did bring this new laptop to Palm Springs last week with Mark and Morgan but I did not type up my blog on it. I just didn't feel like it.
I hear Claire singing outside "Don't worry about a thing because everything little things gonna be all right." Or something like that. Though Claire does bug me sometimes, I sit here and think, "Yes thats so true."
I was the teacher in today youth church. The lesson was to build a paper airplane. Speak or write down your anger on it and let it float away. Good lesson. Sometimes I find that I am still holding on and haven't yet sent what ever anger I am holding on to away. Remembering to let go is a good thing. A very good thing.

Getting back to Palm Springs it was a great time. Really, really hot though. Morgan and I tried to stay in an air-conditioned place most of the day and we went out swimming later in the evening. Morgan is getting better at swimming and I am getting better at not looking so scared when I see her sort of drowning ish. Mark was a great swimming teacher to Morgan. The whole trip was very relaxing.
Unlike right now as I listen to Claire and Morgan fight about a hair brush that the other one wants. Drifting thru my mind I hear, "Don't worry." Remembering this I go and make some corn on the cob for tonight's dinner.

June 25th