Happy Holidays

Remember to take a breather

Ok, long time no see.
Been busy.
Very Busy.
Busy with things I do not really want to talk about.
Thinking of ways to do everything differently.
Living in gratitude.
Laughing at this picture of myself and remembering that laughing is a very good healer.
Wishing everyone reading this Happy Thanksgiving.
Gaelen

HIGH ANXIETY (Very Very Nervous)

This is a story, not necessarily about the movie High Anxiety by Mel Brooks which I saw in 1978 and I was 13 and that movie made NO sense at all, but a story of MY HIGH ANXIETY!!!

Looking at the picture above Morgan was 2 hours old. This is the picture I have in my head every day of my life. Morgan is my 2 hour old baby. In her 8 years to date I have never seen her really hurt herself, not fall down, no tripping and falling, yes, a couple of scrapes but nothing really serious.

While at work I happen to look down at my cell phone which was vibrating and notice a call from her summer camp. I answer it thinking "Oh God please don't be another Lice at the summer camp call!" and the camp staff member says "Morgan has fallen on the play structure and has hurt her lip." I hear Morgan crying in the background and ask to speak with her. Morgan is crying yet says, "Mom I love you".
I leave work immediately to pick her up. Driving there I was getting nervous so I call Mark and tell him she fell off of a wooden ramp way between 2 play structures. He was leaving his work to go to a meeting and would not be home for a few hours.
So I put on my smile face and walk into the camp. I notice there are no kids there. I think why are all the kids away from the gymnasium? I walk in the gym and there are 3 staff members sitting on chairs blocking Morgan. At this point I become very, very, nervous! Now I fully understand the feeling of High Anxiety!
I call out, "Princess Burrito Mama is here!" I then see her and there is blood all over her jacket. Her mouth is bleeding and her lip has swollen to 3 times larger than normal. I think, please let her new front teeth be in her mouth. I just want to cry. Even writing this I want to cry. So I pick her up and tell her everything is all right and we are going to go home and we will just sit on the couch and I will hug her. She speaks real low, its hard to hard to hear her.
We sing the, "All is well" song. Her mouth is bleeding and I hand her a new Kleenex. I start to sing the "Every little cell in my body is happy, every little cell in my body is well." I change it to "Every little cell in my body is healing me, every little cell is healing me now." We get home and her lip is still bleeding. I ask her to open her mouth and her teeth are still there. I ask are they loose? She says no and I don't want to stick my finger in her mouth to check. I quickly call my sister and ask her to Google "What to do when mouth is bleeding" and tell her to call me back so I know what to do.
I have Morgan lie down on the couch. My sister calls back and I say "Yes, I put an ice pack on her mouth." Morgan says "As I was falling the wood hit my gum." So it wasn't her lip that was bleeding but her gum. I didn't really understand because at that moment I though I was going to have a heart attack anyway.
Her lip bled for two hours. It was too late to take her to the dentist and I was too scared to take her to the hospital. I did start giving her little little pieces of bread to eat. It was so hard for her to open her mouth. Round about this time I started looking in the medicine cabinet and the only children's medicine we have is allergy medicine.
I did give her plenty of water to drink though.
Finally Mark came home and he looked about as scared as I was. He is certainly a braver soul than I am. He started looking around for Tylenol or Motrin too. I mentioned we had none. Mark went out to get her some pediatric oral electrolyte freezer pops. Her mouth was no longer bleeding and she wanted to go to bed. We put her to bed and Mark and I went into our room and just looked at each other and said nothing. We were so scared we had nothing to say.
The next week her mouth healed and the swollen lip went back to its normal size.
Summing it up I guess I have to say, time does heal all things.
I feel better, Morgan feels better and I asked the camp to use a broom to wipe all the sand off the wood so no one else slips.
I think, "Wow I do worry a lot". I also remember I must have written that before in my blog, yet I am to tired to check and see. I actually don't want to know because I don't want to feel like there is one other thing I have to fix about myself.
So, time does heal all things but LOVE heals everything too! So I chose to love myself, trust God and know that All is Well.
Happy End of Summer!

10 Years Ago

Yes, this picture is 10 years old. It is a little weird even writing that because in some ways it seems like yesterday.  Of course BIG things have happened in the last 10 years. I guess I am just in the mood to appreciate what has happened and mix in some gratitude with that. I have even forgotten that I liked when Mark had that 1980's George Michael beard. Well, I fell in love with Mark in the 80s so maybe it makes some sense.
Coming back into 2011 Morgan is now calling me into the living room to see what she has created. The Airstream is parked in the Sacramento River Delta and not often used.
I am now a licensed insurance agent with State Farm and work full time. I am semi missing being a stay at home mom yet it feels good to go to work.
Although I am strong willed I am congratulating myself at accepting this life change with not so much boo-hoo-ing, OK maybe a  little.
I am feeling good in a different way. Tired in a different way. Most nights now I sleep thru the night, don't wake up at 2 and finally fall back to sleep at 5. Now I just wake up at 5 :)   I am using my blackberry more to send emails mixed in with ipod emails as opposed to being on my laptop at home. I find it more important to just be with Morgan now that I am not near her all day. Which means I have got to post this blog and watch Arthur with her.
Happy Summer.
Blessings,
Gaelen

I really must be lazy

If your sitting in bed and too tired to get up and go to your laptop to write your blog does that mean your lazy? Maybe I am just inventive. Laying here in bed and thinking wait a minute I can post my late April/early May blog from my bed using my iPod touch is inventive and handy.
I was going to talk about how I am not into Easter so much but more into the feeling of spring and the growth of life all around me. Plants, animals, flowers. Oh yes now I remember why I am in bed alergies. Spring the flowers my stuffy nose and headache. The over the counter medcine that kept me moving yesterday and then kept me up all last night. I actually even slept for an hour in the middle of the day which is something my body never let's me do.
Yes that is why I am doing my blog in bed so please excuse the spelling due to finger typing on a small screen.
Spring and the energy of life. Today I was sad. I noticed on the Internet the killing of bin laden. At the bank the tv was showing the news and rejoicing the death of the enemy. I am not happy that the united states spent years and years chasing down a man, a bad man as people say and delight in the fact of his killing. Hate is not good in my opinion. Forgivness,light, love is what fuels life, not hate, killing and condeming others. I do not feel right telling Morgan he was a bad man who killed others so now we killed him and that's his just dessert.
I would rather see myself as a unicorn not as a zombie.
Enough of that rant. April did have earth day and earth hour and the use of candles which I love and things that grow and things that change which helps me remember all things change. Even me and accepting change and growth as great things and nothing to be afraid of.
Maybe tonights blog in bed is a reminder for myself that there is nothing to be afraid of.
That the source takes care of me and I live in trust and love.
xo,G

The Luck of the Irish

Well since I am Irish and all Erin go Bragh, I have to admit I am happy that I do not have to make green pancakes this year for Morgan. I am also happy that I choose to honor myself on St. Paddy's day and not wear green because: 

1. I do not like green.  

2. I do not look good in green. 

3. I do not own anything that I like in green. Except my mini-backpack which is chartreuse.

I guess having the Luck of the Irish this month (not that I don't have luck always) but significantly this month means to me: Listen. 

When two friends that live 3,000 miles apart say the same thing to me, it is time to listen. 

What both of them said, "Do Not Over-think It"

It is what it is. This is my new motto. It is what it is. When I get in my Over-think it mode I tap on my eyebrow, I tap on the side of my eye, I tap under my eye, I tap under my nose, I tap my chin, I tap my collarbone, I tap under my arm and I tap on top of my head. I feel relaxed/calmer when I tap.

It is what it is means that I have faith that the Universe has the answers and all will be well.  It is to wonder not worry. 

Over-thinking it is a reminder to me that although I am dependable, I am unpredictable. Today I am choosing unpredictable and I am happy to do so.

By the way that's me in the photo (the one in the back) when I was, never over think it and never worry Gaelen. I love that me.     

Punxsutawney Phil and early spring?

Ok, how do you even pronounce that name? Our little cactus tree is sort of blooming. Before 8AM the spiderwebs on it glisten in the fog with dew. Not even sure why I am on the deck with my camera at 8AM. If a cactus is in bloom does that mean early Spring? I don't really know. I suppose I could look it up but that's not what I wanted to blog about.

February the month of: my birthday, the month my Dad made his transition, the month of "All you need is LOVE" the month of Morgan is out of school for a week, its even called Ski Week.
Let me tell you, being in the cold snow doesn't really make me feel like Spring is coming. I want Spring to be here, not coming but here. I guess my insides are telling me that dinner needs to be on the table. Not coming, but on the table as in right about now.

I do have faith that I can make a 30 minute meal like Rachel Ray.
Faith, I like Faith. No doubts, no questioning, no worries. I remember now that I no longer use the word worry. I use the word WONDER. I wonder about that. Not I worry about that, I just Wonder about it.

Happy Month of February to you,
Gaelen

2011 I believe mini repost

I believe its ok to have spelling errors when your trying to post your blog quickly.  :)  Gaelen

2011 I believe....

January 2011

I believe in Spiritual Living. I believe in saying I'm sorry. I believe in having good friends. I believe in sitting in silence during the day. I believe in laughter. I believe in knowing that all is well. I believe in getting a good nights sleep. I believe there is a divine right path for everyone to follow and each person has a right to follow thier own path. I believe in love. I believe in peace. I believe in happiness. I believe in forgineness. I believe there is time to get things done. I believe in being organized. I believe in writing things down. I believe in saying, "I love you" to myself. I believe I have made mistakes and that it is ok.

Happy New Year. 

Love, Gaelen