Today I am spending time thinking about how lucky I am. The itunes on the laptop are playing “Panini Pua Kea” by Cyril Pahinui, who I met in Maui. The living room is clean, the couch is cozy and it’s a nice 68 degrees. I am so blessed. It feels so good to take the time out from my busy life to feel the energy of being blessed.
I was sick last week. There were a few days when I couldn’t speak. Maybe I had laryngitis. I could only whisper. I couldn’t swallow. My thought hurt so badly. At first I thought I had an allergy. Then one night I couldn’t sleep. I drifted from dream to dream with the awareness that I was awake. The next day I told Mark I had a cold. I haven’t had a cold for ages.
I stayed in bed. I couldn’t talk, so I just tried to sleep. Not being able to talk was wonderful! Not having to say anything or feel like I needed to say anything was releasing. Morgan would come into the room right when I had fallen asleep. She wanted to tell me about my bracelets or some other important thing to a 4 year old. The good thing about not being able to talk, was whispering things meant I didn’t scream at her. I didn’t scream, “I am sick and trying to take a nap!” I am calling it “Low Talking”. Low Talking is being free. Though I was upset, taking the time to say everything softly gave me freedom to relax, and just be. I have to admit I am not always relaxed. I don’t like staying in bed. Taking the time to stay in bed, not thinking about what housework needed to be done was a good way to honor myself. To trust that Mark could take care of Morgan, maybe not the same way I would have but in his own way. This all worked for me. Mark even made and cleaned up a yummy dinner. Having been sick I feel blessed being healthy. I value the journey of sickness to health and the lessons I learned. As usual everything works out for the greatest good.
May 11, 2007
